How To Communicate with Children?


How To Communicate with Children

Let’s figure out how to communicate with children, and what communication style is better to choose when raising a child.

A correctly chosen style of communication with children, both in the family and in educational institutions will contribute to the development of a full-fledged personality and will not cause any discomfort to the child. Indeed, the success and emotional maturity of a person depends not only on innate abilities, the economic situation of the family, race, gender but also on the methods of education in childhood and adolescence.

Family Communication Styles

As a rule, parents, despite their love, do not even suspect that their style of communication with the child negatively affects their psychological state and only harms.

From the existing styles of communication with the child, you can choose the most popular.

Liberal style of communication or permissiveness

Permissiveness is not a sign of love for a child and can lead to problems, not only in adulthood but also when communicating with peers.

In such cases, the child allows himself too much, falls into various extremes, there are no clear boundaries and rules of behavior. A spoiled child becomes an idol in the family, does not recognize the word “impossible”, while parents are perceived as “attendants.” Such children are conflicts, stubborn, and selfish. Their adaptation in educational institutions and among peers is difficult.

As an alternative to permissiveness, one can single out the freedom of choice, which even crumbs should have. It implies the presence in the family of certain rules of conduct, and prohibitions that parents must follow. With this attitude, a person from an early age begins to realize the full responsibility for his behavior.

In the process of education, parents should not:

  1. Allow manipulation on the part of his offspring. Bargaining is by no means appropriate.
  2. Sacrifice yourself. The child may well cope with some household chores on his own or help parents.
  3. Adore the baby to fanaticism. He cannot be the center of attention and must be aware that parents may have other interests.
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Children need to be taught compassion, participation, care. They must understand that in life it is important not only to take but also to share.


Alienation also applies to communication styles. This is when parents ignore, communicate a little, are not interested in the development of the child, do not try to “see”, “hear”, keep them at a certain psychological distance.

The kid begins to feel rejected, lonely, insecure, useless to anyone. He does not get along well with peers and adults.

As a result, an unhappy, resentful, withdrawn, and often aggressive person is formed.

As a rule, to fill the emotional void, a teenager tries to find support outside the family. It is good if he begins to communicate with caring adults or finds true friends. It is much worse if he gets into bad company, becomes an alcoholic, drug addict, or criminal.

Usually, this attitude is observed in dysfunctional families or when parents divorce.


Hyperopia (hyper protection) is called excessive care of someone. At the same time, there is no sense of empathy for another person, parents just try to overcome only their complexes.

Adults make every effort to protect the baby even from the slightest risk, any danger (as a rule, not existing), do not let him go far away. Parents try to adjust the behavior of the child to their feelings and mood, without thinking about the benefits of their behavior.

Such a situation is created that children are deprived of the right to choose and must follow a ready-made, single decision imposed from outside. They become:

  • helpless, unable to cope even with minor problems;
  • addicted to other people;
  • timid, notorious, infantile;
  • miserable.

Adult family members should be aware of the problem and give their baby the right to their life and make mistakes.


An authoritarian attitude does not imply a lack of love but is accompanied by rude treatment, the possibility of physical punishment if the offspring’s behavior does not comply with parental rules.

At the same time, children:

  • provided with all the best: food, clothing, education;
  • must strictly adhere to certain requirements and listen to parents whose conclusions are based on life experience;
  • they are considered in the family as quite rational creatures with whom no one pokes fun, and everyone communicates on an equal footing;
  • they never hear praise, but they are well aware of their every mistake.

As a result of upbringing within a very narrow range, an insecure, frightened person or, conversely, is aggressive, rude, prone to anxiety and depressive states.

The above communication styles are not acceptable for the emerging personality and negatively affect the future life of a small person.

5 principles of proper communication

The most acceptable style of communication in the family is considered democratic, which is based on five principles:

  1. The child has the right to an opinion, which is taken into account when discussing various issues. He is perceived as a full-fledged personality.
  2. There are no bans, but the results of each action are explained.
  3. Physical force is never used, beliefs, understandings, discussions are in effect.
  4. Children can express their demands on an equal basis with older family members.
  5. The reason for each requirement is explained. It sounds much better: “If you sit at the computer for a long time there will be poor eyesight. It’s time to turn off the monitor ”, then “ Quickly turn off the computer, stop playing. ”

With this attitude, children grow up in love, warmth, attention, respect, and affection in the presence of certain boundaries in behavior, as well as:

  • ready to make independent decisions;
  • able to evaluate their actions and deeds;
  • are disciplined;
  • confident in their abilities;
  • study well, inquisitive;
  • sociable, have many friends.

As a rule, in reality, there are several styles of communication with a child in the family. His relationship can be different in different ways with his father, mother, grandparents.

Pedagogical communication styles

The pedagogical style of communication in educational institutions can be manifested by the following types of attitudes towards students:

  • stable negative – the teacher is rude, constantly humiliates and insults students, which contradicts the standards of professional ethics;
  • passive positive – the teacher is excessively demanding, seeks to build formal business relationships. The use of official tone and low emotional interaction impedes the creative development of children;
  • situationally negative – the teacher’s attitude towards children is constantly changing. It depends on the mood. Pupils thus become closed and distrustful;
  • active positive, which is considered the most optimal. The teacher helps students, trying to interest in their subject, which leads to effective cooperation.
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Educators should avoid an authoritarian and liberal style of communication with children.

  1. Authoritarian style. The teacher is personally involved in solving important issues related to the children’s team, setting goals, and organizing control. Moreover, the results are subject only to its subjective assessment. The result of the imperious style, dictatorship, and guardianship are clear and hidden protest moods in the children’s team.
  2. Liberal style. The teacher is indifferent and not interested in the development of children. He does not even try to prove himself as an educator and is engaged only in the formal fulfillment of his duties. Such communication with students leads to a drop in his authority, loss of control over students, lack of discipline.

The teacher’s choice of a democratic style contributes to the development of the activity, independence in children and is considered the most productive and favorable.

Each parent needs to analyze their style of communication with their baby and try to correct their shortcomings. The sooner this is done, the better.

Children should not always be blamed for low grades, bad behavior, and take the side of the teacher. Perhaps this is not the result of laziness and stupidity of the student, but the wrong style of communication with him.


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