How To Stop Thinking About The Person You love and Start living in a New Way
“Out of sight – out of mind” – it’s good if a person could be forgotten so easily. In fact, the more you want not to think about someone, the more difficult it is to do it. Thoughts stubbornly return to an undesirable object.
One eastern parable tells of a young man who asked Khoja Nasreddin how to find out the future and become immortal. The sage replied: “It’s simple: don’t think about white monkeys!” “Only?” – the young man was delighted. But since then he could not think of anything more than white monkeys.
Having given free rein to such thoughts, it is easy to “think of” a neurosis of obsessive states when the help of a psychotherapist is required. Therefore, it is better to try to get rid of them at the initial stage, before they are still entrenched in our head. But first, you need to figure out:
What prevents forgetting another person?
Psychologists speak of three types of such causes. These are emotional, attitudinal, and behavioral.
Among the emotional
1. Suppressed emotions. The man is trying to seem strong, “hold on”, therefore, suppresses the despair and pain that the separation caused him. This is especially true for men, because, from childhood, parents told them: “A man should be strong. It’s a shame to cry. ” But then the pain sitting inside will constantly remind him of the person whom he wants to forget. It is necessary to allow yourself to give vent to emotions, to grieve, to cry;
2. Unexpressed resentment. After parting, many continue to mentally sort out relationships, argue, prove their case, and make claims against the person who left them. To stop this mockery of oneself, it is worth expounding all unspoken insults in the form of a letter to him, but do not send the letter, but burn it;
3. Remorse, guilt. For some people, friends and loved ones easily become former, while others cannot calm down in any way that someone else suffers through their fault. They are not going to return the former and at the same time reproach themselves for the evil they have voluntarily or unwittingly done. Thinking excuses turn into obsessive states. How to get rid of such exhausting conversations with yourself? See point 2.
Among the installation reasons
1. The firm conviction that this person is the only one, he is our fate, we will never meet anyone better . Or maybe you should take this opportunity to see this?
2. Confidence that together with him we have lost the ability to love and a joyless existence awaits us. Check it out?
3. Linking your hopes and plans with this person. On the one hand, this is natural. On the other hand, it was probably only our plans, and he himself doubted the strength of the relationship. We have already come up with a honeymoon route and names for future children – and suddenly loneliness, longing, emptiness. Everything will have to be canceled – meetings, walks, trips. We are not doing this: the least we need now is to isolate ourselves from people and immerse ourselves in memories.
The main behavioral reasons that prevent us from forgetting a person
1. Forced communication with him. We work together, study, we have common friends and one company. There is only one way out – to change everything. Otherwise, a neurosis of obsessive states – hello!
2. Separated men and women continue to have sex from time to time. This is often found in divorced couples where there are common children. Moreover, if for one partner it’s just sex without obligations, the other revives the hope of restoring former relations. However, here you need to follow the rule: “Died so dead”;
3. Immersion in a depressed state. Despite the desire to withdraw into himself, not to go anywhere and not to see anyone, he should not indulge. Alone with ourselves, we will delve into the wound with masochistic pleasure, preventing it from dragging on. Thus, we will only strengthen emotional attachment to a person who should be forgotten with minimal losses for our psyche.
Ways to help forget a person
The question of how to stop thinking about a person has been relevant at all times. Our ancestors in such cases relied on magic, in particular on:
1. Conspiracies and rituals
They need to be performed on a waning moon: feelings should decrease along with it. It seems that there is a rational grain here because a person with their help gives himself a positive attitude, programs himself for a positive result. In any case, there is no crime here, and the attempt is not tortured.
All we need is a source of clean water, lemon balm leaves, privacy, and a little imagination. We focus on our emotions – resentment, mental pain, which prevent us from forgetting another person. Mentally transfer them to the leaves of melissa, imagining them with our tears, and we will tear them one by one and throw them into the water. Leaves float away – memories float away. We leave when we feel peace and tranquility, having previously washed our face with water from the spring. This ritual can be repeated every week.
There may be a problem finding the source. In his absence, we will use fire: we set out our obsessive thoughts on paper, and then set fire to it, imagining how they forever fly away from us with the ashes.
These methods are harmless and will not harm anyone. However, it is strictly forbidden to seek the help of fortune-tellers in order to direct spoilage or love spell on the departed.
2. We give ourselves the setting: “Everything that is done is for the better”
It may well be that life has closed some doors before us, having previously opened others. But we struggle against everything, cling to old relationships, trying to revive what has long died. Ahead – new opportunities, discoveries, surprises, new people, and new acquaintances.
And, as the old song says, “If the bride leaves for another, then it is unknown who was lucky.”
3. Clean our living space for a new relationship
Apathy, devastation, disappointment, loss of faith in a long-lasting relationship, unwillingness to make new acquaintances – these feelings should not be allowed to take control of themselves. Breaking out of their captivity will not be easy. Fill the resulting void with interesting things that we always wanted to do, but did not find time for them. At first, it will be difficult to completely switch to them, but gradually we will get involved and we will think less and less about “the former”.
It can be a repair – let it be necessary to get into a loan, but the head will be occupied not with fruitless thoughts, but with the search for new earnings. At the same time, we’ll remove them from our eyes, give them away or throw away things bought together or suggestive of memories.
They say you won’t run away from yourself. Nevertheless, after a month or two we will notice that the pain if it didn’t go away, is dulled. However, this is not a reason to relax – we are not losing vigilance, we are not yet ready to meet this person. The slightest reason is enough for the memories to break out with renewed vigor.
4. We do not discuss the ended relationship with everyone
Discussing the current situation, we want to hear the words of support, our own rightness, condemnation of a person who has left us. Talking about him makes it appear that he is still present in our lives.
At the same time, we are doing a disservice to ourselves – the people with whom we were so frank will now remind us of their kind that we would like to forget. Perhaps some of them will begin to be constantly interested in our personal lives, believing that they have the right to do so.
It is not possible to quickly erase the memories of a person to whom you got used to, with whom bright events were associated, plans for the future, which became family and friends. It will take some time to recover from emotional dependence and attachment. How long the healing will take and how complete it will depend on the efforts made.
Unfortunately, many people want this only theoretically, without taking practical action. One gets the impression that the emotional pain from such memories gives them pleasure, compensating for the loss. Memories now seem to them the only thing that still connects them with the departed, and they are in no hurry to break off this connection.